By Jennifer Moody, LMSW | July 1, 2026
If you are like most people, you have likely felt stuck in one area or another of your life. Knowing which direction to take or which goal to pursue next can be hard to determine in moments when we feel stuck. To get past the first state of change and move toward your goals, even creating one, you have to move past the pre-contemplation stage, where denial can be. You can move past the pre-contemplation stage on to the next stage by practicing the DBT skill of radically accepting where you are right now. Whatever it is, and even if it looks like. To get there, you must first practice mindfulness by asking yourself what you need. What do you really want? What are you missing out on that money can’t buy? What are you jealous of? These questions can help you unlock your true desired goal.
Once you finally realize what you want that goal to be, you also have to deal with the emotions that come with not having what you want. Maybe the feelings that come with that are anger, guilt, or even shame of being where you are now and not having what you want. You can begin moving forward by dealing with these emotions rather than pushing them away, avoiding them, or denying them. That is the art of using the DBT skill of radically accepting in the first step of goal setting.
Keys to Redefining Success
No Comparing
Now, here is the thing, what you choose as your goal should be solely your decision. You get to decide what you want. By deciding what you want, you alone have the power to determine what the success of that goal can look like. Maybe your fitness goal looks more like parking further away from the store to get more steps in, while your best friend’s goal might be to run for 5 miles a day. If you compare your goals and progress to others’, you will constantly feel defeated and unmotivated to keep moving forward. There is a reason why horses have blinders on in a race. They will quickly fail if they keep looking to the left or right. So put on your own blinders and focus on yourself. Taking a break from social media to stop comparing yourself to others can help in this process, too.
Make them Realistic
You have to believe you will achieve. Sometimes, give yourself a boost of confidence each morning by manifesting what you want. This can also mean reevaluating your goals or your timeline.
Habit Stacking
Adding a baby step to your routine can create consistency and help you progress toward your goals. For example, if your morning routine is waking up, getting breakfast, and showering, you can stack another habit. Try checking emails after showering, or go for a walk after breakfast and before showering.
Small Baby Steps
You know the saying, Rome wasn’t built in a day? Maybe you have a big, Rome-sized goal! It isn’t impossible. Break down these big goals into small, bite-sized steps. Create weekly or even daily goals to reach your prize.
Treat Yourself
Reward yourself for progress made. Did you order water instead of a soda for dinner? Good job! Go give yourself that high five you deserve for even that small step.
Make Failure Your Friend
Sometimes fear of failure stops progress. Treat each failure as a lesson and use it to build new solutions. Scientific evidence shows our brains learn by exploring (Karami et al., 2020). There’s a reason babies fall down when learning to walk! Aim for progress, not perfection, and you will see results.
You Can Do This!
Remember, there is no one-size-fits-all approach to reaching your goals. Practicing mindfulness reflections throughout your progress is a great way to decide what works best for you. Know that you are the author and evaluator of your own success. So keep going and keep pushing through to create a life worth living!